Plussizeology is an online community for plus size women who have finally decided that they don’t need to wait until they lose weight before they start living, dating and ultimately find love. And there is absolutely nothing that you need to be, do or have that you’re not already being, doing or having to get there.
This philosophy doesn’t mean you’ve given up on your weight loss goal, it simply means that you’ve decided not to let your weight or size dictate your adventure or discourage your from love.
If that sounds like you, then welcome to Plussizeology…we’re all on the journey here and Plussizeology is all about helping and supporting each other as we find the love we want while simultaneously getting healthy.
Trenia’s Story – The Long Version
I recently lost 100lbs but that’s not the whole story. It goes way back, as I’m sure your story does too…
I was always the fat, active girl. I excelled in sports and dance as a kid and teenager but often consumed enough calories fit for a grown man on a daily basis.
My body developed at an early age – and the more my body developed, the less physical activity I did out of sheer embarrassment. But I didn’t grow up with the idea that I was fat. Most of my relatives looked the same way I did so it wasn’t until I started middle school and I was teased by a boy about my weight that I really started to take notice of my size.
Then & After Pictures
Don’t Let the Scale Dictate your Adventure…
I went to college and became an explorer. I made lots of friends, traveled around the world, studied and taught African dance classes, I set goals and accomplished them. But my diet mainly consisted of fast food and I never really learned how to cook so I gained even more weight. While I was in college my maternal grandmother had two strokes and both of her legs amputated due to Diabetes complications, and it frightened me! I remember going home for breaks and I often dreaded seeing her because she had become such a different person, her physical condition turned her into a woman I did not recognize.
The Grandmother Effect…
Growing up I spent a lot of time with my grandmother and she was often the one to cook for me while my mom worked and went to school. My grandmother taught me invaluable lessons about how to treat people with respect and to love your family, but she also taught me poor eating habits, the same habits that contributed to her physical deterioration.
My grandmother died in 2001 while I was home from graduate school for winter recess. When I returned to school I felt homesick and a little less adventurous for the first time in my life, I missed my grandmother in ways I could not describe. Not long after that my weight crept up to over 270lbs and I was a size 24 at 5’3” tall.
My grandmother’s death was the turning point for me in how I thought about my weight and health. I spent my early 20’s figuring out how to live in the body I had because there were so many things I wanted to do in the moment and I didn’t know when, if or how to lose weight so in the meantime I allowed nothing to hold me back from accomplishing my goals and living my dream. But I didn’t want my grandmother to have died for naught.
Through her illness she taught me another valuable lesson: take care of your body and give it what it needs so it can take care of you and help you live a long and healthy life.
Weight Gain/Weight Loss
I managed to keep off 100lbs for just over two years until I obtained a really bad heel injury and had to stop running and was in a car accident all in the span of two months. Not long after that, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and a very significant relationship in my life ended, all of these things compounded sent me into a tailspin and I regained 50lbs. Now that I have made it through that emotional torrential downpour I have started again and I am still on the weight loss journey. I will never give up because my health is important and I intend to live a long time.
Let’s Talk About Dating, The Plus Size Way
I have been blogging for almost two years, and the focus and purpose of what I write has shifted and changed a couple of times. This is because I have been finding my voice as a blogger and honing the focus of my business endeavors as an entrepreneur. I went from blogging at fatgirlweightlossmap.com to Plussizeology.com, which allowed me to shift from being a blog about weight loss to being a community for plus size women to discuss the issues affecting us, not just weight loss. When I first started blogging my focus was primarily weight loss, I had lost 100lbs and I wanted to share my experiences with people. But weight loss as a focus never felt right to me, my weight was still and continues to be a struggle, and the more I wrote the more I realized it was not what I wanted my focus to be.
Then I briefly morphed into talking about living your best life in the body you have right now on the way to creating the body you want and body acceptance. Overall, this is how I view my life and this is a message that I communicate to the plus size community. But as important as this topic is, I wasn’t able to really sink my teeth into it the way that I had hoped.
I thought long and hard about what I want Plussizeology to be about and my personal message I want to bring to the plus size world. I was reflecting on all of the topics I talk and write about when I remembered that my most popular blog post to date was a video I created about being plus size and dating. The light bulb went on, that’s what my focus should be. I was uncertain at first, I mean I wasn’t so sure I could fill a blog with my thoughts on being plus size and dating until I realized that I have been writing about this topic for the past 12 years, I’ve even written a one woman show all about the plus size dating experience. I’ve also given lots of honestly compassionate and helpful advice to friends, students, interns, relatives; you name it, about relationships. I also realized that when I talk about relationships and being plus size and dating, people’s ears perk up and they want to hear what I have to say. About eight months ago, I created a dating seminar for a group Columbia University graduate students based on my thoughts about dating and healthy relationships; much of that content will be presented on this blog.
So why am I doing this?
Well, there are lots of reasons, but my philosophy about dating and relationships is quite simple. There is absolutely nothing that you need to be, do or have that you are not already being doing and having. You can check out this video I did a little while ago that explains this concept in more detail.
I’ve read many of the dating books and articles out there, and the authors of its content don’t know anymore about what it’s going to take to get you married than anybody else. Because the reality is for every woman that follows the dating advice, rules and regulations of those books and meets the man of her dreams, there are at least 10 other women who follow the exact same advice and don’t get any results. Likewise, there are women who do the exact opposite of what those dating books tell you to do and meet the man of their dreams. I’m not going to lie to you, every plus size woman who wants to find a mate and get married is not going to and that’s the truth that nobody wants to tell you. Some of us will get married and some of us won’t, some of us may end up in long-term relationships, some of us may have children and some of us won’t. But the point is that you are capable and deserving of love right now, without changing anything about yourself.
About Trenia – The Official Version
Trenia Parham is the founder of Plussizeology.com, a business that creates community and provides coaching and other resources to plus size women who want to enjoy dating and find love in the body they have right now on the way to creating the body they want.
For more information, contact Trenia at trenia@plussizeology.com
Trenia Parham, life coach, speaker/lecturer and writer is a trailblazer in teaching plus size women and girls practical approaches to healthy living and relationships as well as the importance of pursuing your passion and living your dream in order to set the stage for creating and living the best life possible. Trenia has also traveled extensively throughout North and South America, Africa, Europe, and Asia. She is also passionate about the rights of women and girls around the world and has dedicated much of her life’s work to end violence against women and girls.
Ms. Parham obtained a Master of Science degree in Social Work from Columbia University and has served as an adjunct lecturer at the City University of New York (CUNY). She currently lives in New York City with her precocious cat Zoë.
