photo creditIt Just Hasn’t Happened Yet Book Review
There are very few mainstream books about dating and relationships that I recommend, but I want to tell you about a great book I was introduced to called It Just Hasn’t Happened Yet by Karin Anderson, Ph.D.
The book is about 260 pages, but it’s a quick and humorous read about some of the crazy things people say to single women about why they are still single. I’m sure you’ve heard at least one of these ridiculous comments from well meaning friends and family, they go something like, “you’re just too picky” or “you’re just not out there enough”. Karin also presents one man’s perspective on each one of these scenarios, and while they didn’t always agree or share the same opinions on the subject, it was entertaining to read.
The Unabridged Book Review
Now that I’ve given you the official go-read-this- book review, I want to get down to the nitty gritty about why Karin’s book was a great find and an important read for any woman dating in today’s society, especially if she’s over 30. As I was reading I highlighted several passages in this book that are important but Karin’s core message is absolutely critical: the reason why you’re still single is because it just hasn’t happened yet. And it really is just that simple.
The book critically examines the notion of needing to “get out there more” to meet the right guy for you, but the reality is you’re already out there as much as you need to be to find love. Whether you’re at the dentist’s office, the gym or the park, you’re out there. Here’s a great passage from the book on this topic:
“ …How charming, too, that those who give us the get back “out there” pep talks are frequently people who never had to extend themselves whatsoever when trying to connect with the opposite sex. Their spouses simply fell into their laps. They met in graduate school or at the health club or in the waiting room at the dentist or at work or standing in line at the bank.
So just where, exactly, do our married friends imagine we are all day? And just what, exactly, do they think we’re doing? From my observations, most single women engage in many of the same activities that brought love to their friends-they’re attending graduate courses, working out at health clubs, sitting in waiting rooms at dentists’ offices, going to work, and standing in line at the bank. But we haven’t met him yet. So does that mean we need to get “out there” more?”
I hope you will get this book, but more importantly let the ideas sink in because it will really change the way you date and how you view relationships.
A Note from Plussizeology
The sign-ups for my upcoming free teleclass Delicious Dating 101 are rolling in and I’m getting more and more excited as the event approaches. Just in case you were wondering, Delicious Dating 101 is my live dating seminar that I will be bringing to a free teleclass on Tuesday, April 26th at 8PM EST. I will be sharing the top 10 dating tips every woman needs to know for a positive dating experience, and let me tell you right now these tips are juicy.
So if you haven’t signed up yet, visit www.deliciousdating101.com to register and get all of the details.
What if it hasn’t happened yet because it’s not going to happen? What if it’s just preposterous to think that every person will be partnered with someone else for a life-time (or even long-term) relationship? What if the “new norm”, is singleness?
I think Karin Anderson’s book falls on the side of you’re still single because it just hasn’t happened yet and she believes it eventually will happen. I honestly believe most people will find love, I don’t know if it will happen within a timeframe they are happy with or if it will be perfect, but I believe it still will happen for most people. But you’re right, the reality is there are 3 reasons why people are single: 1. You just haven’t met the right guy 2. It just hasn’t happened yet 3. It’s not going to happen. What’s important about this is there’s no magic involved and there’s no amount of fixing or changing yourself to meet someone’s “standard” that’s going to change these facts.
I don’t think everyone will be partnered with someone long-term or a lifetime because not only do people want different things, but not everybody wants to be in a relationship, and desires and needs shift and change all the time. For example, I know several divorced women who have no intentions of marrying again and they are perfectly content with the way things are.
As far as the “new norm” being singleness, I don’t think that will ever be the case. No matter how crazy things get in life or how ready people may be to give up on love, most people want to love and be loved at some point in their lives, it’s a basic need and people will never stop searching for it no matter how hard it is. I don’t think this wanting is a perpetual state, but I also don’t think most people will settle for being alone, they will try to find love by any means necessary.